Hey, blogettes! First things first, Merry Christmas, as it is tomorrow, and I am so sorry that I couldn't get a post in until right now. I bring forth some news as I know that some of you want some information on my knee injury that happened during the last cross country meet of the season for the whole team, and that I am still healing from. Some of you also want information on what to expect on this blog in the new year, as that is a week away from today believe it or not. I am going to promise you this, the blog is going to become more amazing and interactive this year, and I am going to stay true to that promise, and not back down next year. Now for the injury report.
I went to the doctor yesterday. He said that my MCL was healed, thank goodness, because if it wasn't healed by this appointment we were for sure looking at the immobilizer and crutches again, and possible surgery. However, he said that my meniscus was still torn, and believe me I can feel it every time I walk. Quick lesson, everyone has 4 meniscuses 2 on each knee, and one meniscus is on the outside of the knee and leg, and the other one is on the inner part of the knee and leg. It connects tends that help you walk around fine. I tore my inner right meniscus. He said however that some tears of the meniscus are one that don't bother people at all and don't require that much action most of the time besides icing it every now and then when you feel pain which isn't often in those cases. He said those have a better chance at staying minor, and possibly even healing if you adapt to a high calcium diet and avoid using the injured leg heavily and do the thing that injured it. He obviously isn't a runner, so he doesn't no how hard it is to get back on track if you take days off. He said that mine was one where action was necessary, as well as that diet and resting.
I've done the diet, but again, he isn't a runner himself, so he doesn't understand that if I took four months off how hard it would be for me to get back on track again and then I might injure myself even more or make the injury that I have worse. I have taken it easier though, and I know that my limits are now my limits and that I shouldn't be pushing them because he will know. I forgot about the MRI scans that they have to do these days when it comes to muscle/cartilage injuries. I'm in my knee brace everyday, pretty much 24 hours a day 7 days a week until for sure February when I go back again. I am hoping that by knowing my limits, and following them, as well as keeping to the diet, and taking it easy during my workouts and other activities that I can get it off from the 24 hours, and just wear it when being overly active or doing a workout. That still means gym and sports, but it is better than having to wear it everyday, and kind of plan my outfits around it and walk with a limp because it makes my knee stiffer and harder to bend back. Then again, if my knee bends too much, you will hear me cry out in pain sometimes or make a funny look.
If you go to my school, you may have noticed my funny walk, and if you are in any of my classes, you may notice how I sit a certain way with my right leg not fully bent but not fully extended outward either. It is an in between so people can get through and I don't have to keep moving it around. You may also notice that somedays my limp is more obvious, and other days it isn't but I am still limping no matter what. You probably have gotten used to my better days walk, and I have too, because I have a little bit more freedom. I still however, have some of those days where my knee is killing me, and I pop in the pain killers, and ice it whenever I get the chance too, and I limp way more because I am putting more weight on the left side to ease the pressure and the amount of work that the right side has to do. It's on these days, that I take a break because I have just reached my limit by walking around the school.
Oh, and another thing I hate. People have made fun of me and judged me for this, and it's just like I can't control what my knee does. For Pete's sake, something is torn and disconnected from what it is supposed to be which means that messages sometimes don't get through all the way. You try having an injury like mine. You try being a distance runner and going out there everyday pretty much and giving it all that you have. You try being injured and still doing it. I know that it is my choice to keep going even when hurt, but it's hard to get back on track as I learned at the start of the cross country season. I was a runner about a year before I signed up for cross country. I loved it so much. People started calling me gay because running is apparently gay. People pointed out my huge thighs. People got mad at me because they thought I was doing it because of my weight. Me running has nothing to do with my weight. It has to do with the feeling that I get when I run that I don't get anywhere else except for when I am listening to music anymore. I feel so free, and like I am good enough and the real me and like I matter and stand for something. I feel like I belong, which is something that I don't get very often anymore.
People were judging one of my pen pals through email's cousins about being bald. Little did they know, he was a cancer survivor. He felt so bad that he committed suicide. Is that what we want? I bet that the people that were rude to him feel bad now because they killed a person. Bullying hurts people emotionally always. I mean, if you know me, you may see that I am kind of shy, and try to avoid social things anymore, and getting in front of people. I'm happy this way because then no one has anything obvious to make me feel bad about and they have to work hard to get me upset. Oh, that reminds me!
As an already inducted future member of the Voice, and wow that is a really long title and a handful I guess I should be saying to type, I get to meet every Thursday during Learning Labs and Reading Block times with two awesome high school girls who are on the Voice as well and plan the anti bullying seminar for middle school which we have every spring. I also get to learn from them because they had stories just like mine when they were in middle school. One of them told a very personal story of what bullying did to her, and how it gets better in high school. I'm looking forward to
that. They are helping me now become better with people, and not let things bother me or stand in the way of me being the real me. Everyone has the right to be themselves so as time goes on you will see me keep on getting better and better and socially wise too. Haters are going to hate, but I have got people on my side who are there for me always and ready to help me fight back against the bullies instead of just standing there. It feels good too knowing that I still have at least three true friends who will be there no matter what is going on or who I have to be. They know the real me too and they like me for that. They can accept the fake me too because they understand that somedays the fake me is the only way I can make it through the day.
So far the work on the conference type thing is going good. It's just so hard because some of the stations link into what I have gone through, and they also had my bullying history at that first meeting with everyone but it is just two high school girls working with me since it was overwhelming and I thought to be kind of weird with almost everyone else, since some of my sister's friends are on the Voice, and there were boys there, and I was dealing with bullying where I got sexual comments, and it was the type of bullying that I thought girls would understand. Plus, I would open up more with them. Besides, these girls rarely interact with my sister, so whatever I say won't be leaked, and I trust them too because they were vowed to confidentiality. Besides the Voice leader says that they are the best of the best people of the group. Everyone in the group is awesome and very nice and supportive. It's like a family there, and I am proud to be a part of it early. I am happy that they accepted me too because I know that some high schoolers would not be cool with a middle schooler crashing in their group. These people do a great job of rolling with it and including me and listening to and thinking about my ideas, and taking my input seriously, especially when it comes to the seminar.
Besides, I'm a middle schooler, and the seminar is for middle school people, so what better way then to get input from someone who attended last year, and thanks to her actions to kind of show people that there are people out there supporting the bullying victims by organizing a blue out and being there and standing up for other bullying people even though she couldn't find the words or was too upset to speak for herself is now a member of the Voice. I was inducted on the last day of school, and that was probably one of the best and most emotional days of my life. I mean I cried happy tears because I was honored and ready to make changes for the better in the middle school because I know bullying is a huge issue there as everyone is trying to find themselves and so insecure with body changes and whatever else may be going on. Bullying started for me in the third grade and I have been in it ever since. I always say to myself like it's a cross country meet. I am in it to push myself across the finish line even though I have never really won, we have won at the top eight at every meet as a team, and that's amazing, and just the support and bond that we had with each other was amazing too. I liked cross country, and the people at the other school were so nice to me and I could open up and be the real me around then which was refreshing after a long day at school. I felt like I was family and belonged over there. I liked my school better though because the class sizes were smaller, and we had bigger lockers. I don't work well with small spaces because my imagination is so large and different that it doesn't fit anywhere.